Tobi and Deidara
by Rockcrab
Summary: Not a yaoi fic. What happens when Tobi bothers Deidara a little too much? I say its rated T, but I'm not sure. I figured better safe than sorry. Oh, and potterandanimelover made half of this with me.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer- I do not own Naruto. Well, that goes without saying. I don't own Star Trek either, but this isn't really about Star Trek.

Author's note- My friend potterandanimelover came up with half of this. I came up with the other half.

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Tobi and Deidara are sitting in the Akastuki hide out, and, as usual, Tobi is bothering Deidara. "Tobi is a good boy!" says Tobi.

"No Tobi, you are a bad boy.Good boys are not in the Akastuki," replies Deidara, knowing that this was a futile argument.

"GOOD BOY, GOOD BOY! TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!" says Tobi in a singsong, mocking tone.

"SHUT UP!" says Deidara knocking off Tobi's mask to reveal (use your imagination on that). Deidara puts his hand over Tobi's mouth.

Tobi starts to freak out. "Deidrmth! Deidarmth! Stoph! Your hanth ith kithig dee!" says Tobi while trying to pry Deidara's hand off of him.

Deidara forcefully yanks his arm off of Tobi and Tobi flies across the room. "AHHHHHHHH!!!" yells Tobi, he lands on Itachi's lap.

Deidara grabs his hand and starts to yell at it. "What did you do? WHAT DID YOU DO?!" Deidara says even though he knows his hand won't talk to him. He'd tried so many times before. He adds, "You kissed him didn't you! DIDN'T YOU!!!! Ew! GROSS, I KISSED TOBI!"

Itachi gets angry at Tobi as Tobi says, "Thank you Itachi, you really are a nice person." Itachi pushes off Tobi, not even very hard. Tobi falls out the window. Itachi stands up and looks out the window in time to see Tobi land on the ground.

"Tobi? Are you ok? Oh come on! You aren't dead! You were only three feet off the ground!" says Itachi as he jumps out the window and feels for Tobi's pulse. There is none.

"Pein's not going to like this." says Itachi.

Somehow Pein enters the room. "Hey guys... why is Tobi on the ground? Is he ok?"

"No. He died." says Itachi.

"Deidara? What is it up with you? You can never keep your partner long." says Pein. Then he adds, "I guess we need to get you a knew partner. Itachi can be your partner for now. Kisame is on... um... vacation."

"No. I will not be that idiot's partner." says Itachi.

"Yes you will, or I'll remove you from the Akastuki." states Pein.

"Fine." says Itachi, "I'll be his partner. For now."

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Author's note- sorry, I had to put in the word futile, that's the Star Trek in me. Review this story... Resistence is futile.


	2. Tobi and Deidara

Disclaimer- I don't own anything. Sheesh, you people should know that now. Not Naruto, nope, don't own that. Star Trek... no, I don't own that. All I own is me. Even that... no. I own me. Same applies to Potterandanimelover. Except... she doesn't own me, I do. Why do I confuse myself?

Authors note- a little out of character, but I can see it happening with the characters. Also Potterandanimelover helped out. By the way... un sounds like hn, I think. Un meaning yeah.

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"So... we are partners now," says Itachi, more as a statement than as a question.

"Do you even want an answer, un?" says Deidara obviously annoyed. So obvious it seemed he was hiding something. He started making clay butterflies and making them hover next to Itachi's ear.

"No," says Itachi. Then he added, "Would you stop with the butterflies?"

"No," says Deidara as he keeps the butterflies near Itachi. Itachi looks at Deidara and Deidara turns away, but still keeps the butterflies around him. Then he adds, "Bothering you is fun."

"Well stop, and it isn't bothering me." states Itachi.

"Is too."

"Is not."

"Is too."

"You're not worth the argument."

"Am too."

Itachi doesn't answer.

"Fine. Let's go, un," says Deidara.

"Where are we going?"

"To sleep," says Deidara as the butterflies go 'BOOM'.

"Fine," they walk into the room, "Why is there only one bed in this room?"

"Tobi liked to sleep on the floor, un," says Deidara rather nervously, "So which one of us will sleep on the floor?"

"I don't care. I guess I will," says Itachi, hence lieing on the floor.

"Ok, un" says Deidara. The lights are turned off. Ten seconds pass, "Itachi?"

"What."

"In my sleep I tend to... nevermind, un," says Deidara nervously at first and then turning away from the subject.

"Whatever," says Itachi. Several hours later Deidara is asleep, but Itachi is just lieing there, unable to sleep. Then he hears mumbling from Deidara.

"I miss you Tobi..." Deidara says. Itachi stands up and walks over to Deidara. He was still asleep.

"He's a sleep talker. Just my luck." says Itachi. He turns away and before he sits down Deidara mumbles again.

"I may actually be a girl..." says Deidara.

"I'm sleeping now. Stop talking Deidara." says Itachi quietly, "...and what's worse? I'm talking to myself."

"Itachi's hot..." mumbles Deidara. Itachi sits straight up.

"WHAT!" he yells. He finally lost his temper. That never happened before. Deidara wakes up from the yelling.

"Uh oh... I thought you would be asleep, un," Deidara starts saying, "You see... I don't just sleep-talk, but I also sleep-truth. I tell what I think... or sometimes just say random things in my sleep. Sorry. What did I say anyways, un?"

"Nothing." says Itachi trying not to show that he was just terribly unsettled, "So... what are we doing tomorrow."

"I think we are going on a mission type thing in the afternoon. To find a little boy and to get his Gingerriki." says Deidara.

"That ought to be interesting." says Itachi sarcastically.

"Un." says Deidara before falling asleep.

"Deidara is even more annoying than Tobi was. At least I think he is. Just my luck." says Itachi, right before he falls asleep he says, "I really need to stop talking to myself."

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Author's note- Sorry about that. How do you spell Gingerriki? You know what I mean. I did not think of what Deidara said. That was basically the Potterandanimelover part. Please review... Resistance is futile.


	3. Mission Breifing

Disclaimer- I don't own Naruto at all. Or Monty Python for that matter. Or Star Wars, yes Star Wars, not Star Trek, but I don't own that either.

Author's note- Thank you Storms-sama for the spelling of Jinchuuriki. You know Storms-sama? You are the only person in really life that gets that honorific... Enjoy everyone. Sorry if OOC a little. I do the best I can, but Itachi and Deidara aren't funny when totally in character. Oh, potterandanimelover helped, yadda yadda yada.

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Back at the Akastuki hide out Deidara and Itachi are talking. "What did I say in my sleep anyways?" asks Deidara.

"Nothing." says Itachi in a monotonous voice.

"Come on... tell me!"

"No."

"COME ON ITACHI!"

"..."

"Tell me!" says Deidara as he sissy hits Itachi.

"Don't touch me Deidara." says Itachi. Deidara continues to sissy slap Itachi.

"Stop it. Your nails hurt Deidara-teme." says Itachi, who in-tern tries to put his hands in the way of the scratching hands. Deidara and Itachi end up accidentally playing "ABC just as easy as 123." Kisame walks into the room.

"Uh, Itachi?" Kisame says, "What are you doing?"

"Kisame? I thought you were on vacation." says Itachi.

"Uh... no. I'm just taking a break. I decided I needed vacation time or I would quit."

"So you are taking a vacation... in the Akastuki hideout?" Itachi asks.

"It seemed sensible. You know, safe, un-worrisome. So what were you doing with Deidara?"

"Nothing important Kisame, nothing important. Deidara is annoying. I'll give him that. If_ it_ is a him." says Itachi.

"Ok... See you later." says Kisame, "Poor Itachi. Happy I'm not him."

"So Deidara, when are we leaving on the mission to get the Jinchuuriki?" asks Itachi.

"After Pein-sama explains the mission to us, un," says Deidara. Deidara and Itachi walk into Pein's room. Pein is talking into a micro-phone.

"Luke, I am your father! Ok... let me try that with the right kid. Naruto... I am... your... FATHER! MUWAHAHAHAHA!!! Good, that works. Ok, I better stop now, Deidara and Itachi should be coming any mo- Hi... Deidara... Itachi... hehe..." says Pein, "Ummm... let's get on with the mission shall we? Ok. You'll head to the hidden village of Huriimo to find the child that has the demon sealed inside him. He is little so he should be no problem to find. You'll have to go under cover as younger versions of yourselves, ok? You'll ride on Deidara's bird clay thing and... Itachi? Are you listening?"

"Hm?" says Itachi, "Sure, whatever."

"Ok, see you when you come back. Do not fail." says Pein. Pein leaves.

"Did you say something Deidara?" asks Itachi.

"No Itachi." says Deidara. Pein re-enters the room.

"Umm, this is my room. You guys may leave on your mission now." says Pein.

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Author's note- hope you liked it so far. Please review. I guess resistance really isn't futile...


	4. Little Sasuke and Ino? What?

Disclaimer- I still don't own Naruto... duh. Do I have to say it twice?

Author's note- Sorry it took me so long to update this... I've been busy and spending my other time writing more fan fics... I already have two other ideas, possibly three... oh, and potterandanimelover came up eith half of this, sorry potterandanimelover... I thought people would know you came up with half before so I said yadda... 'mIay orrysay... Huriimo is a fake village by the way.

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Itachi and Deidara are on Deidara's bird-clay thing and they are heading to the hidden village of Huriimo to find the child with the Jinchuuriki sealed inside him... they arrive at the village.

"So what are we doing again...?" asks Itachi.

"Didn't you pay atention?" asks Deidara.

"No." says Itachi in response.

"Ok, well, we need to find the kid and lure him away from the village, un." says Deidara.

"...and," says Itachi, "we do that how..."

"Well first, we have to change into younger versions of ourselves." says Deidara changing into a younger version of himself, a girl who looks remarkably like Ino...

"Deidara... why are you a girl?" asks Itachi a little wierded out by that fact as he changes into a younger version of himself, a boy who looks remarkably like Sasuke, maybe not so remarkably...

"What? This is what I looked like as a kid! Got a problem with that?" asks Deidara.

"Uh... no." says Itachi.

"Good, you know? You look like Sasuke... I'll call you little Sasuke for the time being." says Deidara.

"No." says Itachi.

"Little Sasuke, un." says Deidara.

"No." says Itachi.

"Un." says Deidara.

"Then I call you Ino." says Itachi.

"Ino means pig though..." says Deidara, "Fine, an undercover name..."

They both start to walk into Huriimo. The guards try to stop them, but Itachi kills them with Mangeko Sharringan first, and no one notices that it happened so Itachi and Deidara walk into the village unnoticed.

"So where is this kid?" asks Itachi.

"I don't know, un." says Deidara.

"What does he look like?" asks Itachi.

"Blonde hair... blue eyes, a shirt... pants... socks...oh, and a guy, un." says Deidara.

"That eliminated about half the population, how do we check the rest?" asks Itachi.

"I say it's the kid alone over there. The one who looks all sad and isn't yet a ninja with a head band even though he looks like he is fifteen, un." says Deidara. Itachi gives a little nod. They walk over to the kid.

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Author's note- sorry to end it here, but I'm busy and I don't feel like doing it later...


	5. Clothing AH!

Disclaimer- I still don't own Naruto.

Author's note- Potterandanimelover again, thought of half of it. Yeah...

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"Oh no..." says Itachi, uh, little Sasuke.

"What?" asks Deidara,uh, Ino.

"We need to talk, over there..." says Itachi.

"Ok." says Deidara and they leave the kid. The kid didn't even notice that they were there. They walk over to a store that sells ramen and stand by the window. "Ok, what?"

"We are still wearing the Akatsuki cloaks." says Itachi.

"Oh... No wonder they felt big..." says Deidara.

"And why we got some funny looks..." says Itachi.

"Let's go SHOPPING, UN!!!!" says Deidara. Itachi looks at him, uh, her...

"Sorry, the girly emotions kicked in..." says Deidara. "Well, lets go shopping!"

"Whatever." says Itachi in response. So they walk into a clothes store and when they come out Itachi is wearing black clothes and Deidara is wearing a... dress.

"Deidara..." says Itachi "Why are you wearing a dress..."

"It was cute, un!" says Deidara.

_"Wow... Deidara looks good in that... what am I thinking, eww... Deidara is a guy..." _Itachi thinks.

"Now we can go find the Kid, un." says Deidara.

"Hn..." says Itachi still a little... unsettled. He should never have pushed Tobi before. They again go find the kid.

"Uh, hello..." says the kid as two people he doesn't know come up to him, the girl skipping and the boy walking with his hands in his pockets.

"Hi. I'm Dei... Ino, just Ino." says Deidara, "And this is my brother, Ita... Sasuke, Sasuke, jr, un." Itachi just kept a strait face.

"Oh, ok." says the kid.

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Author's note- was that interesting? Was it funny... I'm not so sure. R & R... please?


	6. You're not a girl!

Disclaimer- I do not own Naruto.

Author's note- I feel so bad, I'm a slow updater! Too many stories... that's what happens, ne?

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So Itachi, wearing black and looking like Sasuke, and Deidara, wearing a dress and looking like Ino, are talking to the little boy with the Jinchuuriki in the village of Huriimo.

"So where are you guys from again?" asks the boy.

"From... uh..." says Deidara trying to think fast.

"Konoha." says Itachi, that is where Sasuke is from, safest lie they have.

"Oh." says the little boy.

"What's your name, un?" aks Deidara.

"My name is Enkai," says Enkai.

"Oh, hi Enkai!" says Deidara.

"Hi..." says Enkai getting suspicious of the two, the girl was pretty in his opinion, so he wasn't too suspicious.

"Do you want to play tag?" asks Itachi, he has an idea.

"Sure!" says Enkai, happy to have someone to play with.

"Enkai's it!" yells Deidara following Itachi's lead. So Itachi and Deidara run towards the forest and Enkai follows. "Come on Enkai!"

So Itachi and Deidara run into the forest and Itachi changes back into who he normally is and puts on his cloak and such which he took with him. Enkai is almost to them now. "Deidara, Change back now." says Itachi.

"I can't, un." says Deidara.

"Why?" asks Itachi.

"I forgot my cloak in the store...un." says Deidara.

"Well go get it, I can handle the foolish little boy."Says Itachi. So Deidara goes out of the forest and into town undetected and Enkai goes into the forest to find... Itachi.

"Wh-where's Sasuke?" asks Enkai unsteadily.

"That would be me." says Itachi.

The boy and Itachi battle for a few moments and then Itachi uses Tsukuyomi on Enkai, Enkai passes out cold.

Itachi puts his hat on, "I really am going blind." says Itachi to himself. Then he realizes he's still talking to himself.

Deidara comes back and Itachi can't see all that well, but can see him a little. "Deidara?" asks Itachi.

"Itachi?" asks Deidara. Itachi and Deidara both take their Akatsuki hat's off. Deidara had changed aleady. "Oh, it is you Itachi." says Deidara.

"And you are?" asks Itachi.

"DEIDARA, UN!" says Deidara.

"Ok, ok." says Itachi.

"You need glasses or something, un." hisses Deidara.

"What?" says Itachi, he wasn't really listening.

"Nothing, un." says Deidara.

Then Enkai wakes up. "Who are you?" aks Enkai to Deidara.

"I'm Deidara, but you knew me as Ino." says Deidara. From Deidara's voice Enkai can tell that he's a guy.

"Oh my god." says Enkai.

"What, un?" says Deidara.

"You're a guy." says Enkai.

"Yeah, what's it to you, un?" says Deidara.

"I had thought you were pretty!" yells Enkai. "Is he a crossdresser and gay?"

"I really hope not." says Itachi. He slept in the same room as him.

"I am not!" yells Deidara. "Can we just kill him, un?"

"No, Leader-sama wants him alive to extract the demon." says Itachi.

"Wait, get rid of the demon?" asks Enkai.

"Yes." says Itachi. Enkai doesn't say anything, but he looks happy. He doesn't know how it works.

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Author's note- It will continue, almost done. Sorry for the long time inbetween updates.


	7. Tipping over the birdie BOOM!

Disclaimer- I do not own Naruto (series, manga, anime, or otherwise) and probably never will.

Author's Note- So sorry about how slow this update was, I have far too many stories than I can keep up with. XD I'm doing the best I can, and that's all I'll ever ask of myself... potterandanimelover helped of coarse. XD

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So Deidara and Itachi take Enkai onto the clay bird. "It'll only be a three day flight from here, un, but we'll stop at night so..." starts Deidara.

"We get there when we get there," says Itachi closing his eyes.

"But the Leader will want to know how much longer..." starts Deidara again.

"The Leader isn't even here," says Itachi, eyes still closed. Deidara doesn't respond. The flight is quiet for about, five minutes and then the little boy pipes up.

"So who are you _guys_ again?" asks Enkai curiously, and putting emphasis on guys to show he was freaked out. Itachi opens his eyes.

"Curiousity killed the cat... un," says Deidara under his breath. Enkai and Itachi didn't hear him.

"I am Itachi, and that is Deidara," says Itachi. This kid was a bit irratating...

"You sure he's a he?" asks Enkai.

"Nope." says Itachi.

"HEY, UN!" says Deidara angrily. "I AM A GUY."

"Ok," says Itachi.

"We're landing now, un," says Deidara narrowing his eyes.

"Why? It's only five o'clock," says Itachi.

"Much longer and I'll make the bird go BOOM, un." says Deidara. So all arguement ceases and they land. Deidara immediately goes to sleep.

"Well he's a short tempered idiot isn't he?" asks Enkai straightening his headband.

"Sometimes." agrees Itachi. "If you say you're going to leave I'll have to tie you to a tree."

"I'm not going to leave." says Enkai.

"Ok." says Itachi. Then he lies down and goes to sleep.

Enkai wonders if he should leave or not. On one hand, he said he wouldn't... and he'd like to get rid of the demon. But on the other he'd have to stay with these creeps for who knows how long and he didn't know if the 'extraction process' was painful or not... and he could easily make it back by morning, but whose to say they wouldn't go and get him again? Whatever... the boy then falls asleep.

The next day the three get on the bird again. Itachi falls back asleep, the boy fell silent, and so Deidara starts thinking. Hey, what if I just titled the bird to one side for a minute... Itachi would fall off, surely the boy was awake enough to grab hold of the bird and not fall off... na, he's get in trouble, un... but sense when did he care about getting in trouble?

So Deidara tipped the bird side ways...

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Author's Note- So now I leave you at a cliff hanger. I'll try to come back sooner this time.


	8. Dumb Blonde?

Disclaimer- I do not own Star Trek. Wait.. what? Nani?! I meant I don't own Naruto... but I don't own Star Trek either...

Author's note- I'm a really slow writer, if you agree, write 'THIS IS SPARTA!' in your review. XD

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...but, unlike Deidara antisipated, Itachi immediately woke up and grabbed onto the bird. Enkai, on the other hand... fell off.

"Not as anticipated, un..." says Deidara looking down at the falling Enkai. Itachi closes his eyes.

"Dumb blonde," says Itachi.

"THAT'S A MYTH, UN!" says Deidara angrily.

"Well, it's true for you," says Itachi. Deidara moves closer to Itachi, ready to strangle him. Itachi opens his eyes and looks down from the bird. "So... you going to catch him?"

"...Oh, right, un..." says Deidara. So they make a sudden dive and catch Enkai right before he hits the ground. "Well, un, that was close..."

"You think?!" yells Enkai. "Dumb blonde."

"MYTH, UN!" yells Deidara.

"I think we should camp here," says Itachi.

"Fine, un..." says Deidara.

Everything is quiet and eventually Itachi, Deidara, and Enkai are asleep.

Suddenly Itachi wakes up. He heard something. He looks around and sees a tree move. Itachi glances at Enkai and Deidara, they're still asleep. What... no, who, was that? Itachi stands up and looks around...

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Author's Note- It's not enough that I don't update, but when I do, it's very short. SHORT!

"That's stupid, un."

SHUT UP.


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